“My mother’s dying words to me were, ‘Jimbo, don’t you ever dare skimp on that swank.’”

-Jim, Lower East Side, 1985

“The Muppet Show is always on at my house. When the kids get up in the morning, it’s on. When the kids go to sleep, it’s on. When my wife left me for my best friend — boy was it blasting that day. Same thing when she took the kids from me. Actually, you wouldn’t believe how many similar stories I’ve heard here at Muppet-Con.”

-Kal and co., Times Square, 1986

“I actually don’t mind rush hour. There’s so much going on in the world these days, and it just gives me a chance to catch up on the news. Plus I really get a kick out of Garfield. Love seeing what he gets up to everyday.”

-Andrew, Q Train, 1982

“I’m the last genuine head and skull dealer on the strip. And that’s because clients trust me. We do dry goods, wet goods — some skins. And every piece comes with a certificate of authenticity. Those other guys, you don’t know where their stuff comes from. Mine are all hand-picked and hand-severed. That type of craftsmanship doesn’t exist anywhere else.”

-Simmy, East Village, 1981

“This used to be a great place to score.”

-Jordy and co, East Village, 1988

“I decided to get a job because fighting crime wasn’t exactly paying the bills. And I figured, I could make a living wage in the corporate world, and just follow my crime fighting passion in my spare time. But I’m so completely exhausted after working forty hours a week, and all I want to do is sit on the couch, eat pizza, and watch some mindless TV. I don’t have the energy to see my friends, to stay fit, or to really do much of anything anymore. So yeah, I don’t have to worry about when my next paycheck is coming — but at what expense?”

-Raph, Financial District, 1989

“Since the accident, I’ve been doing rehab and physio five days a week. I’m getting there — slowly but surely.”

-Norman and co., Midtown, 1984

“I’m a complete puffball if I don’t get at least ten hours of sleep.”

-Enrique and co., Times Square, 1981

“OK — I can take another five percent off that sale price for you.”

-Albert, Times Square, 1985

“The headaches just kept getting worse and worse, and of course our insurance is next to nothing, so we just had to take matters into our own hands. F*cking migraines, man.”

-Rob and co., Times Square, 1985

“This is my third Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Convention. To me, the Ninja Turtles are more than just ninjas who happen to be mutated teenage turtles — They’re a symbol of eternal hope and optimism, and Turtle-Con brings us all together in the idea that anybody can be a hero, as long as you also know how to use violence and weapons. It’s pretty cool.”

-Dwayne and co., Times Square, 1989

“Everyone stares at us. They pretend that they’re not staring, but we can tell. We can see it. We can see everything — obviously.”

-Adam & Carla and co., Times Square, 1983

“First time I saw The Simpsons, I was completely blown away. I just knew that I had to start Simpsons-Con. That Bart kid is such a goddamn hero. He really inspired me to finally say to my boss, ‘Don’t have a cow, man’. Didn’t go over too well — but at least I’ve got a new show to keep me company while I’m unemployed.”

-Matthew and co., Times Square, 1989

“There’s a reason the Rubik’s Cube has remained popular for all these years. Although, I don’t quite remember that reason right now… things have been feeling a little scrambled lately.”

-Ernest and co., Times Square, 1988

“Carrying things was always super annoying, so I just figured, why not.”

-Roland, Times Square, 1982

“Just make sure you get our good side.”

-Ben & Sven, Times Square, 1983

“Rat Club used to meet down here every few weeks — but then we figured, why not just make it permanent? We got the place to ourselves, plus we can talk about rats as much as we want, without anyone nagging us to stop already. So that’s good. And the rent is pretty cheap.”

-Matt, NYC sewer, 1989

“America Fest is actually the biggest and baddest celebration of America on God’s green earth. No other nation out there celebrates America like we do. No wonder we’re the best country in the world.”

-Zed, Times Square, 1985

“I mean, honestly, what the hell else am I supposed to do with my money?”

-William, Upper East Side, 1989

“You know how early I had to get up just to prepare myself for breakfast?”

-Peter, Lower East Side, 1983